#i apologise for this post but I had to say it
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Empty
Matt Sturniolo x reader
You‘ve been sitting on your bed for half an hour or more, just staring into emptiness. Your vision is blurred. Empty. Your hands lay limp in your lap, palms pointing up. Empty. Your mind is finally silent. Empty.
The phone lying a few feet away from you on the mattress buzzes twice. You don‘t bother picking it up. Being empty is so much easier right now. It‘s clear who‘s texting you, but…
It buzzes again, slowly rattling you out of the comfortable state. You can feel the sensations starting to pour in, one after the other. Weight settles on your shoulders again, heavier than the blanket you‘ve laid over yourself. Was that even you? There‘s no memory of wrapping yourself up tightly like this.
It‘s Matt who‘s been texting you. Your phone is empty too, except for his texts.
Hey :)
I’m outside
Fuck. The date. You had a date.
I can see the light from your window lol, just open the door
It's freezing out here btw
(No it’s not, I just want you to open up so I can see that gorgeous face of yours)
Looking down at yourself is what fully wakes you up. You‘re wearing no more than the pj‘s you changed into immediately after coming home from work. No makeup. Your hair isn‘t done.
What are you supposed to say?
He‘s outside, you realise after sneaking up to the window showing the front yard; outside and waiting for you so you can go on your date. That you forgot about.
Keeping the blanket tightly around you since it’s the only thing bringing you comfort and shielding you from the world right now, you walk to the front door, guilt nagging at your insides.
The second you open the door his face seems to light up. But his happy expression is quickly replaced by a confused one when he sees the blanket and… well, you. The way you look.
“Hey…“ you say a little sheepishly, ashamed to look him in the eyes. “I‘m so sorry, I completely forgot, I just came home from work an hour ago and I guess I just zoned out? I‘m so sorry, I can just-“
The words fall out of your mouth before he can respond, but the second you start apologising, he rushes to you and shakes his head.
“No, it’s okay, don’t apologise,” he says, cupping your face with his hand. “I get it. We can just stay in today. Watch a movie. Or cuddle. Or I can leave, and you can have some time for yourself, how does that sound?”
“Don’t leave, please,” you say, the words escaping you before you can help it. You try to keep your voice steady but can’t fight the slight waver that sneaks into your tone. Stepping aside, you let Matt into the house and close the door behind him.
His arms are around you, embracing you, quicker than you can react. It feels like you’re melting into his touch, leaning against his chest, holding him as close as possible.
“Okay,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “I won’t leave.”
more daily posts
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo angst#sturniolo triplets#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo#sturniolo fic#sturniolo fluff#i was feeling down today so i wrote this instead of the fluff i was planning lmao#writing what you feel is the best therapy#believe me#i feel sm better now lmao#i was gonna write a fluffy fist date thingy but that can wait for the day after tomorrow
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GUYS MAJOR UPDATE :
My sources are Unicorn, because I wasn't there in the committee meeting so can't say for sure this happened.
Mask was called to the disciplinary committee alongside her parents, which involved some senior law faculty, the dean and Consti and Unicorn were there as well.
The committee had decided to expel her from the college and they were there to vote on that. She could've either taken a LC and left peacefully or been expelled from college.
Mask..........well she's absolutely shameless that's for sure.
Mask was swearing at the committee and Unicorn, that's she doesn't fucking regret it and she doesn't give a shit. She was swearing in the committee which scandalized the older legal faculty.
I knew she'd do this, and I knew this guaranteed her expulsion.
But Unicorn (I have no fucking idea why she did this), decided she wanted to forgive her.
Like why???????
Because Mask's parents quite literally BEGGED the committee to not suspend her. They fell at Unicorn's feet (in her words) and apologised on the behalf of their daughter.(Remember when I told y'all even her parents are afraid of her? Yeah. That. Also Mask had been suspended from five schools earlier.)
So, Unicorn has decided that she's going to draft an apology for Mask, and Mask has to publicly apologise to Consti and Unicorn in front of the entire college and the apology will also be posted on her Instagram account, where it will stay as a highlight.
The reasoning behind this was that Unicorn thinks it'll be humiliating enough for Mask never to repeat this ever again, and no matter how much she hates Mask; she did not want to ruin her future.
My personal two cents : she should've been expelled. This is legit a crime, and if it was me, i would've kicked her out the first chance I'd get. According to classmate accounts who were around, it was a pathetic sight to behold. It was seriously horrible to see her parents beg for their child. No parent should have to go through this.
Tags : @sanskari-kanya @abyssmita @natures-marvel @zeherili-ankhein @msbrishti-echoes-unplugged
college ka raada sunegi? 2 raadas and 1 suspension hua 🙃
omg spillll duh
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Umineko au where everything is the same except instead of Will saying ”Don’t think about it too much, you’ll get a headache” he says ”don’t worry about it kitten”
#i unironically think he would say this#sorry this man has some cringe ass lines and a cat obsession. you just know he would do it#i apologise for this post but I had to say it#umineko#umineko no naku koro ni#Umineko when they cry#worm talks about Umineko#willard h wright
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One day – as far-off as a century, as near as tomorrow – it will all be a grand old story.
The stories will speak of a handful of champions, rushing headlong against time and logic to save the world; the last Blades, the last Septim, and his hanger-on Hero, carving a bloody path to the Temple doors. The stories will tell of skies like burned blood, of fire and ash and uncountable legions of monsters – hundreds, thousands, millions, the quantity rising with each telling – the city streets cracked and quaking, every civilian locked up in their homes and businesses and praying for deliverance. The stories will tell of the appearance of Dagon, red-hot and roiling, a gory perversion of the sun; they’ll tell that when all seemed lost, Martin Septim sacrificed himself in a blaze of glory, calling down the avatar of Akatosh and casting Dagon and his ilk back whence he came. They’ll tell that the golden dragon threw back its head and roared, and the sky cleared and brightened at its word; they’ll tell how it petrified in place, a magnificent pillar of stone, a sacrosanct statue. A site of pilgrimage. A shrine, to the grace and glory of the gods, and the bravery and benevolence of the last Emperor, the best of men.
It will be a good story. All splendour and triumph, a bittersweet victory right out of the epics; the pages closed, the crisis done, the world saved in as golden a resolution as could be asked for. It doesn’t get better than this, a perfect saviour, a hallowed end.
What the stories won’t tell is how, under clear skies and sunlight, the Hero of Kvatch falls at the statue’s marbled feet and howls like the world is still ending.
“You fucking coward,” Pax is screaming, as best as she can. Her mouth tastes like smoke. Her voice is hoarse. “Stupid worm, fucking – selfish bastard – what’s wrong with you?”
His head is swimming, a bit; he shouldn’t have tried to stand, but he – but – he’s dragged himself up to the dais, just about, and managed to sprawl himself over the edge, a snail’s trail of blood smeared along the floor behind him. The copper tang of it is strong in his nostrils. The statue stands, proud and silent, one marble claw dug into the cracked stone of the rostrum. His whole body is beginning to ache – just because of a stupid stab wound in his side, he’d swear he’s had worse, it’s not that bad, it’s not that bad. His throat burns. He isn’t crying. He isn’t.
The sky is so fucking blue.
“What’s wrong with you?” he demands, again, and brings the heel of his hand thudding against the clawed foot hard enough that he feels the impact down his arm, through his blurry head. “Why would you – piece of shit – sorry spit-gill – I thought –”
None of their thoughts will go through to the end. “I thought,” Pax says again, and she’s not crying, and it hurts so much it’s looped back around to not hurting, and it’s all getting fuzzy at the edges, all the world narrowed down to this and this and this and all fucking hell she’d rather be anywhere, anything else. The statue is cold. Her throat is scraped raw. “Come back,” she’s begging without quite meaning to, “come back,” and she drives her palm into the stone again, and the pain sets her reeling.
And all hell, the sky is so blue; the statue enormous; and here they are, at its feet, vision blurring, staring up at its cold marble face. It’s so fucking tall, so proud, face tipped up towards the new-appeared sun, away from them.
“How could you?” Pax says, and then they can’t even see it anymore, blood unspooling from them like skeins of madder-dyed thread. Red has never been their favourite colour. The shape of the dragon, glowing like the sun, is fixed forever on the backs of their eyelids; gold, they think, is worse. The world is detached and floating about them. They taste smoke and then bile. Stone digs fierce into their spine.
It burned like the sun, the dragon; like all the divine light of Aetherius come to earth just to sear the moisture from her eyes. Where it clawed Mehrunes Dagon, his blood boiled; when it screamed, the world moulded itself to its call. Pax hadn’t known what was happening, while it happened; sure as shit doesn’t know now. What they do know is that he’s gone. What they do know is that the dragon didn’t look at them once. They don’t taste ash on their breath, now; just fear, stagnant, sour, blood jangling bitter in their veins and seeping out to soak their gambeson.
It doesn’t hurt, anymore, there’s just this spreading, vague numbness. It doesn’t feel like their body. It’s just a thing they’re putting on. Their ears are still ringing from the crashing-in of the Temple, but there’s a faint buzzing of noise outside. They might be dying. They can’t be assed to get up.
Skeeving asshole. They’re getting blood on the dragon’s immaculate feet. The hollow sounds of voices feels distant. Could well be worse.
Then, “… a healer, here!” they hear, much closer than anything else had been before, paired with the faraway thudding of the door, and “Pax. Pax! It’s – where’s –” and there’s hands on him, a cautious manipulation of his neck, a shifting of his legs. Pressure on his sternum, and then his stomach, and a pained grunt slips out of his mouth, bound up with a slurred curse.
“Stay calm,” says an unfamiliar voice, soft and steady. “I’m just accessing the wound.”
“Go away,” Pax says, or tries to say, but his voice is whispering-hoarse and the dragon looms in the dark even still. He could open his eyes, but what would be the point?
The hands stay on him even when he bucks, holding him steady; they whisper over the stab in her gut, pulling at the drying blood, mumbling words that she can’t be fucking bothered to listen to, one voice known to her already, one voice not; pressure again on the injury, and they try, half-heartedly, to breathe out a swear – and then light, copper-bright, behind their eyelids, and burning heat, and pain pain pain eclipsing all else as something inside them wrenches back into working order, and then their eyes are open and the sky is blue and they are very fucking aware, thank you.
Pax sits up, fast enough to send the world dizzily whirling, and shoves the mage-medic away from them.
“Piss off,” he says – and it’s still hoarse, smoke-throated and scraped raw, but there’s more bite to it this time, more sound. The strange hands fall away from his side, and he looks down. His gambeson is hanging open, cords untied, the emblem of the wolf split clean down the middle. His undershirt is rucked up around his chest, too, so much of his skin is bared to the clear, bright air; all to get to the wound tucked just under their ribs. It’s an underwhelming thing – smaller than they would’ve thought, a thin short slash like a very red mouth has opened itself up in their gut. It’s stopped dribbling quite so much blood, gone scabby with rough healing, though the stuff is still smeared all over their skin, damn near enough to bathe in. It’s barely anything, really. They’re barely even hurt.
“I’m not done,” says the mage-medic, all stern. The wound itches, the taste of hasty magic gone sour in the back of their throat with all the rest of it. “I might have to find my suturing needle. It isn’t too bad, but it can’t be healed all at once.”
“Piss off,” Pax repeats – and all fucking hell it hurts, and he’s sitting up against the statue, legs lolling. He’s dizzy. He ignores it.
Ocato – his fine clothes sooty, face tight as a wound-up spring – says, “Calm down, please – he’s a skilled healer, he knows what he’s doing.” His eyes keep skipping around the room like he’s searching for another enemy lurking hidden in the shadows. “What happened? Where’s the Emperor?”
Ah – not an enemy, then.
Pax tastes bile.
“Not very quick on the uptake, are you?” she says, elbow braced against the statue’s massive marble claws (she hates touching it, she hates it, she hates it, she wants to set it crumbling apart, she doesn’t want to let anyone else touch it ever again). She can’t stop leaning because then she might topple back down again. Fuck, she needs to keep her head on straight – or lose it altogether, whichever happens faster. Her fingers feel cold. “How’re you going to run an Empire when you’re this fucking clueless?”
Ocato looks them in the face; his brow, high and slanted in that way elves have, furrows. “You’re hurt,” he says, in a tone like he expects Pax to argue with him. “Martin Septim–”
“Can’t you see him?” Pax demands, tone torn in half and uglier than they’ve ever heard it before, and they slam the back of their hand against the stone for echoing emphasis. (They want to shatter all the bones in their knuckles, break every piece in their hand one by one, like wishbones. They want it bloody and bruising. They want to scratch its polished-smooth surface until their fingernails tear. They want – they want – they want –)
Ocato, the Empire’s de facto leader, says, “Ah.”
In his plummy robes, all fruit-rich and stained with ash, he looks very stark against the Temple’s cracked marble floors.
“The Avatar,” he says. “If – the Amulet – joined blood of kings and gods –”
“Ocato,” says Pax, leaning heavy against the statue’s hateful foot, “shut up.” Their voice is bowstring-taut; he looks at them, his eyes too golden to meet. His mouth twists. They tip their head back against the stone, glaring up at the chips of blue sky shown in the crater where the roof once was, and try hard to ignore the tugging ache hooked behind their ribs.
It really fucking hurts. Worse than it did before, maybe, like some gauzy veil has been ripped from it. A veil has been ripped from the world. All the colours are too-bright, hideous. Pax breathes, because there’s no alternative, and waits for the pain to ebb.
(It doesn’t, really.)
“The Gates are sealed,” Ocato says, slowly, and he’s looking at her again, she can see out of the edge of her eye. “We will speak later. I’ll have you put up in the Palace until you’re healed. Ah – Quintus, does –”
“As long as she doesn’t go back into shock,” says the mage-medic, busily flipping through some kind of supply bag at his belt, “her odds are good. Lost blood, but I don’t think anything important was too damaged – get a proper examination, all I did was give her a second wind. Stitches, rest, fluids should do it, with luck.”
“Can she stand?”
“Can or should are –”
“Shut the fuck up,” Pax snaps, “I’m right here.” Her back pressed against the cold marble of the statue, her plait half-loose and knotted, filled with ash. The sky is so fucking blue. It hurts like hell – if the healer took her out of shock, then shit, she wishes he’d put her back in. She can see in too much detail. She can feel the skin, damp and ragged and angry. She presses the heel of her hand to the injury; her palm is crusted with dust, tacky with the same half-dried blood streaked over the floors.
Ocato, in the edges of her vision, shifts, all a blur of rich clothes and sympathetic eyes and solemn voice turned soft like he’s talking to an easily spooked horse. “I know.”
The mage-medic clucks his tongue. “Let me take another look first,” he says, and takes a step forward –
Pax kicks out at him before he even gets close. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Pax,” says Ocato – and why, why the fuck is the Empire’s de facto leader here, now, babying them like a whimpering little puppy instead of anywhere fucking else, why is he bothering to talk to them all patronising soft, why does he care? They’ve barely fucking met – talked twice, if you can call either of those times talking. Is it because they’re the Hero of Kvatch? Is this what they’ve earned – a bit of leeway as they throw a tantrum, bleeding out at the marble feet of that stupid bloody statue? Ocato looks so fucking tired; Pax wants to hit him in the nose. “You need care.”
“I need –” and Pax chokes it off in a puff of air. The statue looms behind them. There’s blood on the floors. (Traitor liar coward come back come back I hate you come down I’ll knock your fucking teeth in stupid selfish fraud come BACK. LOOK AT ME.)
Pax closes his eyes.
“My gratitude,” Ocato says, “ – our gratitude for what you’ve done cannot be overstated. The Crisis if over. The gates are sealed. Mehrunes Dagon and his ilk can never threaten Tamriel again.”
The knobs of Pax’s braid are pressing uncomfortably against their scalp. They can hear footsteps, coming closer. They don’t respond.
“It’s a great shame we had to pay such a price,” Ocato says, and Pax would fucking love to know who’s we here, “but it’s done. Dagon is defeated. We’ve won.” He’s much too close, now; his voice pitches softer. “Martin – is dead. But he died an Emperor – and a hero to rival Tiber Septim.”
Pax shoves him.
It’s a good fucking shove – knocks him right to the ground, his elbow hitting the marble with a painfully audible crack, Pax standing over him, shirt rucked up, their handprint on his shoulder marked in blood. “You useless, prattling jackass!” they spit, hoarse, and deal a swift, savage kick to his side. “How dare you act like this is a victory! It should have been me!”
Then their head swims, and they’re sitting again on the edge of the dais, palm pressed to their side, the sweaty cloth of their gambeson pushed half off their shoulder and its cord biting into their hand. The mage-medic is kneeling over Ocato, who still lies, stunned; Pax can’t see his eyes, now, but they remember them, brassy with shocked fear. Their bow is off by the wall where they left it. Pax’s palms are sticky with blood. The sky is so fucking blue. No matter how hard she rages the dragon won’t look down at them.
By the time the mage-medic has helped Ocato up, they’re gone. The Kvatch guard gambeson remains, smoke-smelling and crusted with blood, left like an offering at the statue’s feet. The Hero of Kvatch is never seen again.
#posting these two one after another is. fun :)#I lovee characters that just slightly misunderstand each other. causing pain and suffering for ever and ever#martin goes this will be sad for them... but at least I can apologise before I go. and at least there will be people to care for them#and I will at last atone for my many horrid sins (mostly existing and bearing witness to the terrors)#meanwhile to pax. the only person that cares about them + figurehead for their entire sense of purpose and confidence has abandoned them.#the Big Dragon Statue is apt because when martin died he made himself a monster#both the only good thing in the world and the thing that took it away#pax hates him. hates herself for hating him. loves him. hates herself for loving him. cannot fathom anything she knows to be true#about their relationship#If He Cared About Me He Couldn't Have Done This. so he never cared#so the dragon with its head arched to the sky is insult to extremely literal injury#so I will NOT be comforted or looked after thanks. I will die at your feet cursing your name and failing that I will lash out as hard#as I can and then disappear from historical record#(to go break into a physician's office and stitch himself up. pax says to himself that he's had worse but Worse was also major abdominal#trauma that caused hypovolemic shock. the perspective is skewed)#and everything is so so sad forever THE END thanks for reading :D#oc tag#pax#martin septim#the elder scrolls#tesblr#tes#oblivion#fay writes#my writing#hero of kvatch
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"Nero's eunuch bride playing a role in the vicissitudes of the imperial succession" The Thick of It & the life of Nero;
The Thick of It, The Rise of the Nutters, 3x07, 3x08, season 3 deleted scenes, 4x02, 4x04, 4x06, 4x07 / Roman Homosexuality, second edition, Craig A. Williams / Suetonius' Life of Nero, 28, 46, 47, 49, trans. myself / Plutarch's Life of Galba, 9.3, trans. Aubrey Stewart
#this is my manifesto. tomgreg you will never be nero and sporus like they were. sorry#also sorry my translations aren't super grammatically literal this was my first time translating suetonius...#anyway. deranged post ive had in my head for a week and have been working on for two days. sorry its so long. like i said Manifesto#the thick of it#ttoi#shut up ulrike#webweave#malcolm tucker#ollie reeder#dan miller#olicolm#nero and sporus#long post#of course i had to leave the 'appendix' heading in there LMFAO. and sorry about the quality grrr shaking my fists at tumblr#girl why are all of my tags apologising. i Should Not Be. i should be speaking my truth#on GOD he was always nero's eunuch bride. jesuschrist#there's more i could say re: the inquiry and the clamouring of the people but clearly this was a beast of a post enough LOL#rome#my webweaves
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im literally so sick to death of finding out the person who was telling my friends im into incest with zero proof to make them block me, while telling everyone i accused them of being a pedo to make them block me, literally posted on their blog my fucking name saying if youre friends with fray block me, AND allowed people who dislike me already to misgender me to them without correcting their pronoun usage despite previously being my friend and knowing my pronouns, is constantly posting i am the victim woe is me i isolated myself and no one likes me anymore posts and saying theyre leaving tumblr to come back 5 hours later fucking weekly or straight up remaking over and over, all because you cannot fucking apologise for the shit you did, not even just to me but multiple people you wronged, OFC PEOPLE DONT LIKE YOU youre a chronic fucking liar who runs away when you get caught in your lies, WHOS COOL WITH MISGENDERING TRANS FOLKS IF YOU DONT LIKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#fray.txt#ive kept my mouth shut on this for MONTHS but i am fucking TIRED#ask me who it is if u want i dont fucking care i am SICK to death#of STILL encountering people who shyly ask me if im into incest- something i am a victim of and intensely triggered by#the amount of people who blocked me but came back cuz they felt guilty for not asking my side first#then saw i have like 20 screenshots of proof that everything u were spreading about me is LIES - and i still have them btw!#and apologises profusely to me cuz u were literally just SAYING SHIT and i screenshotted EVERYTHING#like yeah maybe i would have forgiven u if u had ever once apologised and owned up for it#but i just hear thru the grapevine ur posting shit on tumblr like 'i did this to myself .. im so lonely ... no one likes me..' I WONDER WHY
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i have been thinking about this lyric all day
#love how dlyh can be interpreted so many ways! see also: HE doesn't wanna bang you#thinking also about how i keep drawing araleyn with the dynamic of unstoppable force (anne) meets immovable object (catherine)#a unprompted araleyn post? wow asdfghjkl they. them. royal historical au with homoerotic undertones in which the mistress works the other#way around is all i'm saying. wlw supremacy.#the fine line between seeing these as proper historical figures versus characters. i'm calling it an au and calling it a day#considering the other AUs out there. i'll deal#this is fine! :>#i apologise for the poor visibility it is 2am i am making poor lighting choices. cathy parr hours fr#anyways. goodnight#six the musical#six the musical fanart#catherine of aragon#anne boleyn#aralyn#araleyn#i like the shading best in the third panel. but also the fourth panel is cool bc dark and shadowy and quiet yknow?? only issue is they don't#match with each other which breaks the flow >:/#*goes insane* hahaha. anyways does this count as pg13 for some reason it feels like the most spicy thing on the blog idk adsfghgjjl /////#i've drawn aralyn side profile in this exact up down configuration twice and if i had a nickel i'd have two nickels which isnt much but it-#not to be on the straight side of bi on main (not quite main. sideblog?) but i feel like i might be projecting emotional repression onto ara#mutual crushing rn and. i'm adamant about not wanting a rship but like this guy straight up says 'i'm okay with you leading me on' ??????#the dubious morality of it all help lmao. i'm planning to just wait it out *thumbs-up emoji*#anyway that's enough anonymous on-the-internet tea about the irl side of life! enjoy the blorbos
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You may have already mentioned this in some of your other metas, and I just missed it, so please ignore this if it's redundant.
Do you think Bruce is projecting onto Jason by pushing him as a Robin? Obviously, Jason wanted to be Robin and was excited about it, and Bruce let Jason do other things, but (if I'm not mistaken) before Tim came into play, solidifying the whole Batman needs a Robin/support to keep him upright, Bruce and Dick becoming Batman and Robin, in the beginning, was also sort of a coping mechanism.
I think there are a few examples of Bruce enabling this kind of mindset. Like in Gotham Knights #43–44 (sorry), every time Barbara brings up Jason's inner turmoil, Bruce refocuses on his ability as a Robin; similarly, when Jason finds out about Two-Face and his dad, he is hurt, and Bruce acknowledges that but then does the same thing, zeroing in on reassuring Jason that he made a mistake but is still a good Robin.
Like, Jason got it from Bruce, but he unintentionally encouraged that kind of thinking.
oh, i definitely think that bruce is projecting on jason and that it profoundly affected jay. and, while every single one of your observations is apt, i would add that what truly made it so tragic is that he projected his own worst traits on jason while being blind to the fact that jay already shared his best qualities.
tldr: bruce projects himself on jason in terms of grief (saying that jason needs vigilantism to work his grief through) and sees his own worst traits in jason (anger) but doesn't see his own best traits in jay (compassion, love, and sensitivity). ironically, jason does end up developing all of the (projected) worst characteristics of bruce (obsessiveness, and relentlessness in pursuit of the respective perceived idea of justice). this happens even though they were barely present in his early storylines, and only ever manifested when jason was scared or lost. later, they truly came to be because of his trauma relating to vigilantism.
and the long, long version, coming with panels and quotes: under the cut.
first i want to say that the following analysis focuses very specifically on bruce's mistakes, but i don't view the overall of jay's upbringing by bruce solely in these terms. from text it is also clear that bruce deeply loves and cares about jay, and that jay enjoys being robin. now that this is clear, let's get to particularities, and start with jay's origin story.
i truly never stop thinking about the significance of bruce meeting jay in the crime alley, the place of his parents' death. there's a lot to be said about it, but here the focus is, of course, on the fact that he sees a little boy, very much similar to himself, angry and hurt, in the same scenery that brought him so much grief. and jay in some ways does appear to be a mirror of bruce's own agonies, as well as a mirror of his own inclination for seeking justice; and somehow, bruce fixates on the first one, while almost completely dismissing the latter.
bruce looks at him and assumes that the remedy to jason's pain and anger is being robin; and he doesn't stop to think about it. (it has to be noted that there's also classism at play, classism that is mostly a result of writers' own beliefs – collins did state in a couple of interviews that that the motivation behind jason's background was to make his introduction into vigilantism seem less offensive, as jason has already been exposed to crime...)
i think, in this context, it's interesting to look at the two-face storyline even closer, and from the start too. in the beginning, bruce talks of jason's 'street' roots and assumes jay would go "down the same criminal road that took his father [willis] to an early death." he also talks of jason making a lot of progress. later, in batman #411, after jason learns that willis has been killed by two-face, bruce comments that jay "has never been like this...listless...almost pouting--"
this all, along with jay's cheerful and diligent behaviour from the previous issue builds an interesting picture for us: because we essentially learn that jay has been overall an unproblematic child. bruce, of course, attributes this "progress" to the training. however, for anyone else, the logical conclusion would be that jay's quick adjustment was simply a matter of finding himself in a safe and stable environment and receiving continuous support and attention from a parental figure. i find it rather questionable that jason's personality softened down because he had something to punch in the cave–– the more intuitive explanation is of course that he was angry and quick to fight when they first met because he couldn't afford anything else and because he was scared. but months later, in a loving home, he can allow himself to drop his guard; and his cocky attitude disappears until much later.
so the rather unsettling picture that we derive is that bruce is training jay to become a vigilante in order to "channel" his (nonvisible at this point) anger into something useful and just. and he clearly links this to his own trauma in batman #416 (that’s already starlin btw), in his conversation with dick, explaining why he took jay in: “he’s so full of anger and frustration… he reminds me of myself, just after my parents were killed.” bruce also mentions that soon after their first meeting, jason helped him and "handled himself well" in the fight, but he doesn't mention that jay has ran away from a crime "school" and intended to stop injustice on his own only because he was ignored.
the theme of bruce comparing jay to himself appears again in detective comics #574 (barr), where it is approached with a much more... critical look, thanks to leslie's presence and her skepticism of bruce's actions. after jason has suffered nearly fatal injuries at the hand of the mad hatter, bruce reminisces on his own trauma and motives. he tells leslie: "i didn't choose jason for my work. he was chosen by it...as i was chosen." leslie replies: "stop that! (...) you do this for yourself... you're still that little boy (...)" then, the conversation steers to the familiar ground and the topic of anger. in bruce's words, again: “i wanted to give jason an outlet for his rage…wanted him to expunge his anger and get on with his life…” and finishes "and instead, i may have killed him."
the recognition that bruce's projection on jason and involving him with his work might have fatal consequences is, as always, fast forgotten once jay wakes up and proclaims that he wants to continue his work as robin.
but to circle back, i think there's something else worth our attention, something deeply ironic, that is showcased in that issue: that bruce has no evidence for jay's "rage." when leslie talks of bruce's past, she recalls his tendencies to get into brutal fights at perceived injustice as early as in school; when bruce talks of jason, two pictures that are juxtaposed, are that of jason fighting as robin and jason... smiling, playing baseball.
so, in the early days of jason's training and work in the field, we see bruce talking of jason's anger a lot; but we barely see it.
that being said, jay is angry sometimes– and i think your observation about how bruce deals with it is incredibly interesting and accurate.
we first see jay truly and devastatingly angry in the two-face storyline. bruce focuses on jay's reaction as robin, which is, in fact, aggressive. but something that he barely addresses is that jason's first reaction is sleeping all day, and not beating anyone to a pulp; in fact, this vengeful instinct seems to arise only when he is put right in front of two-face. and his third instinct, once the rage (very quickly) dies down after the altercation with two-face, is crying, because bruce hid the truth about willis' death from him. jay, while crying, asks bruce: "you have taken me out into combat-- but you spare me this?" in response, bruce lectures jason about how grief inspires revenge, which is, again, deeply ironic, given that jay seeking out revenge seemed to be prompted and enabled solely by the role of robin. moreover, his question suggests that at this point he saw grief ("you spare me this") and fighting as two different things.
the final is, as you said, bruce focusing on making it into a lesson on vigilantism, or, in his own words, "tempering revenge into justice." personally, i think in this way bruce directs jason to bring his grief into the field as a powering force, something that he didn't necessarily have an own incentive to do. the flash of compartmentalisation between his ordinary life and being a sidekick that jay has shown by questioning bruce's decision is lost. emotions are now a robin thing, and they have an (informal) protocol, a moral code. and when jay is confronted with an emotionally exhausting case next – the garzonas case, i believe that the focus on "tempering revenge into justice" is exactly the problem– we don't see jay crying, we see him frantic about finding the solution. this, right there, is bruce's obsessiveness, that in my opinion, was developed in jay specifically as a result of how his engagement with vigilantism combines with his deep sensitivity.
and, needless to say, his sensitivity is all the same as that of bruce – they both can't stand looking at other people hurting, they both wear their hearts on their sleeve, caring way too much – the thing is, bruce never quite acknowledges how they are similar in this matter. instead, he focuses on his sparse bursts of anger, wanting to bring jason closure in his grief the only way he knows it – in a fight for a better world. so, as you said, he focuses on jason's ability as robin.
which just doesn't work for jason. at all. we know it from how his robin run comes to an end: in the first issue of a death in the family (batman #426) alfred informs: “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.” to that, bruce contends: “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents deaths.” he also tells jay that the field is not a place for someone who is hurting; a message that is the opposite of what he's been saying for years now, and something that i imagine was difficult for bruce to conceptualise, because then he would have to question his own unhealthy tendencies. it's a bit late to come to this realisation; bruce's self-projection that caused him to worry so much about jay's anger has already turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that will fully manifest itself in utrh, when jason does the only thing he was taught to do with grief: try to channel it into justice.
#AHHH this took me so long for no reason at all. so sorry anon <3#anyway. i'm obsessed with your observation regarding bruce's focus on robin in the two-face storyline#i've already briefly considered it but you made me go back and reread it#and i just stared at these panels of jason in bed all day for like good 5 minutes thinking. jesus christ. jesus christ#“you spare me *this*?” <- this line is making me feel SICK TO MY STOMACH.#so maybe bruce is right when he says that he made jason like this in tfz.#and jay is of course even more right when he says that he didn't make him. he raised him#also don't apologise for bringing in gotham knights#i actually talked about it some before because it is a very good illustration of bruce projecting on jay#<- i didn't include it here bc my post was getting insanely long.#anyway back on the topic. i think it's so deeply sad that jay genuinely has no idea#that this is what bruce thinks#i think he would be DEVASTATED if he knew the way bruce fixated on the idea of his anger#hm. normal now.#thank you so much for this ask. you can tell i was delighted to answer it <3#i actually already had a draft about it when you sent it... but i'm sooo slow with editing my word vomit#outbox#jay.zip#jay.txt#dc#jason todd#core texts
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"Ur not REALLY that guy kin if you're ok with OTHER that guy kins and INTERACT with other that guy kins LIKE DON'T YOU FEEL-"
wanna know what I feel?
Spiderverse for the emos
#Not complaining at all though. other ink demons/bendys I've interacted with are chill as hell#batim kin#Probably not gonna main tag this...#Or do I 😈#I'm feeling devious sorry regular batim fans scroll by soldiers#batim#batdr#This is such a dumb post I apologise I just had the most peculiar vision I needed to create#A. Silly vision you could say
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I wish everyone who puts sxsg spoilers in the tags of my art posts a very shut the fuck up
#that thing had already been spoiled for me BECAUSE of that post but it still pisses me off#like maybe take 3 seconds to think. maybe look at the date the art was posted (a month ago).#maybe don't assume everyone got the digital deluxe version. GOD#reblogs fucking turned off for that post now#no one here btw. just some randos. the person who originally spoiled it also didn't say too much and apologised like that's fine#but hbgbgnghdhffhg#rant#i guess. I'M SO PISSED OFF LOL#fenn.post
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what not being able to sleep will get you. new designs in a new style and all drawn traditionally for some reason
also me n my brother i did on the bus a while ago because i like them
#i’ve never drawn black people before and i didn’t use a reference so i apologise if i made them look weird#but yeah first time actually drawing bway jake and jenna#wpc jeremy is really fun to draw but i should draw will roland jeremy one day it’s not very fair to him#my favorites rich lowkey i really like it#I FINALLY DREW MICHAEL RIGHT FOR ONCE#THE MICHAEL CURSE WAS TEMPORARILY LIFTED#IM ACTUALLY REALLY PROUD OF HOW I DREW HIM IN THE FIRST ONE#giraffe ahh neck brother it looks funky and it’s FUN#all the stagedorks posting on the dash lately got me into the vibe and i’ve had the idea in mind for a couple days#i like traditional so much more actually i feel like i do better#i havent fucking drawn girls in so long but I LOWKEY THINK I MADE THEM KINDA PRETTY#one day i’ll look back at that sentence and say no you didn’t#i forgot to color in michaels hair in the second one but we ball#bmc#be more chill#bmc musical#be more chill musical#jeremy heere#michael mell#christine canigula#jenna rolan#brooke lohst#chloe valentine#rich goranski#jake dillinger#boyf riends#stagedorks#my son egg and his brother cheese#jellos scribbles
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.
#just saw a post that was like 'if you have religious or moral objections that stop you from providing certain types of medical care maybe#you shouldn't work in healthcare' (paraphrased) and...#what a way to look at the world tbh#like. they're talking about me i think - i am a conscientious objector when it comes to euthanasia#(which granted has come up exactly twice and both cases in a theoretical capacity only this is not a frequent request to me)#and... i am also a good doctor#last week i told someone that her weight doesn't matter to her health with receipts to prove it and she cried#no one had ever told her that before#and that was something that came from me specifically. that was something i would not trust all of the GPs in my practice - a practice of#excellent and compassionate GPs! - to say#i am verifiably doing good in my job that is coming from specifically who i am as a person#i cannot put that down when it comes to issues i care deeply about#fundamentally the fact that i cannot put it down is what makes me a good doctor#i think that's what i'm trying to get at#the reason that i do well by my patients is that i practice out of my values and my ethics#if i did not stand on that core i would not stand at all#so you can't have it both ways. you can't have engaged and active and compassionate healthcare providers without sometimes those engaged an#active providers having things they do not feel comfortable doing#and it is to everyone's service if they are up front about it and do not try to hide (i am suspicious of people who try to hide this)#i am literally figuring this all out as i type hence the v long tag ramble and also being nowhere near the post that started this train#(honestly in med school we talked so much about ethics as like. abortion! euthanasia! trans rights! and the ethics in practice is the littl#things. do you apologise when you mess up. how do you manage a consult with your patient with paranoid dementia and her child in the same#room at one time - or one by one bc that's fraught too. (that one's on top i had one of those today.) how do you act with grace when#you're a bit stressed and your patient is a bit stressed and the nurse wants to add five more things to your book. the day to day ethics is#SUCH a bigger thing when you come to actual practice.)#this is obviously entirely about me and leans on the fact that i largely do think i am doing a good job i am really feeling my own way#to a Thought. but i think to a certain extent it is generalisable
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i'm so sick of seeing stupid takes in the heartstopper tag. you are all banned from watching it until you develop some critical thinking <3
#/j but ugh#i just saw someone say 'how come charlie can criticise ben for not asking to kiss him when elle kissed tao without asking??'#bro not only was there a very big difference between those two situations but THAT WAS NOT THE POINT#charlie was pointing that out as an example of how ben never considered his feelings and only cared about himself#and he did many other things that showed that#tao and elle had an understanding that they liked each other already and elle literally apologised afterwards#also saw someone else compare darcy to ben bc in s1 she asked if charlie liked nick and that was apprently being pushy the same way ben was#sorry but ben completely disregards other people's feelings AND ASSULTED CHARLIE#whereas darcy is just a bit tactless sometimes and is overcompensating how sad she is by being over the top#some people have worms for brains istg#lova's terrible posts#heartstopper#hstv
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I see people bringing up Nishiki slapping Reina so fucking often and I'm so fucking tired of it.
Let's get this out of the way first: was it good of Nishiki to hit Reina? Should he have done it? OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. While violence is the answer to a not negligible amount of problems, here, it WASN'T.
HOWEVER.
People tend to act as though Reina was a poor uwu victim who didn't do anything wrong. So lemme explain the situation here:
1) Nishiki just saw someone he cares about A LOT get sexually assaulted or even raped.
2) Nishiki just brutally killed his boss because of an emotional / trauma reaction to witnessing said assault and was very shaken up by it, having collapsed to his knees when Kiryu arrives.
3) His brother just took the fall for it and will have to go to prison for a very long time.
4) Sawamura disappears from the hospital, leaving Nishiki with most of his support network gone in the blink of a fucking eye.
5) He goes to update Reina on the situation and she starts screaming at him, accusing him of being weak and useless, of failing her by not being able to protect Sawamura and Kiryu.
Great fucking reaction on her part, isn't it? He's just lost two of his siblings at once and she is telling him that it's his fault. Yes, Reina probably didn't mean it like that, but she still says it. And when Nishiki interrogates her on it, she doesn't retract it.
It's not helping that Nishiki's mental stability is already shot to shit because of various pressures, such as an important surgery for Yuko coming up, Kazama's clear favouritism, Kashiwagi's distance.
I reiterate: NISHIKI GETTING VIOLENT WAS BAD. HE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.
And he apparently does slap her quite hard. But he also immediately regrets it, looking at his hand with shock. As someone who not only has a lot more physical strength than Reina and is in organised crime and is thus the stronger party in the power imbalance, it was his responsibility to try and counteract the power imbalance by restraining himself. And he failed at that.
My point is that Reina said what I consider to be unforgivable things, even if she didn't mean them. And she knows this because when Nishiki confronts her, she is scared. She knows she fucked up. Yet she doesn't try to retract her accusations or to reformulate what she feels.
They're both horrible in this interaction and this is why I don't like them as a pairing. Reina clearly is way over her head in the Yakuza world. Which is perfectly fine, not everyone can deal with it, in fact I'd wager that most people can't, yet she both involves herself in it and is involved in it by others. And then she deals with being exposed to the dark sides of the yakuza world by toxically unleashing it, here on Nishiki.
Another thing I don't like is the "he hit a woman because she hurt his feelings he isn't an uwu baby". Oh, so it would have been fine if Reina had been a man? No it wouldn't have. Why bring gender into this? Either say that no one deserves to be hurt or say that everyone deserves to get slapped every once in a while.
Let all genders be slapped and let all genders slap. All or nothing, cmon.
#I actually dont like reina as a person#I tried to keep it out of the post if it shines through though i apologise#Lemme know if you have a totally different view im open to discussion :)#Just reina saying all of that was uncalled for and incredibly cruel#You cant tell me that shes in love with him but doesnt know about his inferiority complex and fragile mental state#I get aiming to hurt people in an argument#It happens yknow but that was not an argument up until nishiki hitting her she was just beating down on him verbally#Like if it had been me in nishikis place i would have ended the friendship immediately#Like i wouldnt have hit her because ive been taught by society that if I have an emotional breakdown im being hysterical#But i would have given her a piece of my mind and then just straight up ended the relationship because its not okay to say things like that#nishikiyama akira#yakuza#rgg#akira nishikiyama#my rants#I still maintain that nishiki should not have hit her under any circumstances#I just dont like how people use that he hit her to argue that nishiki is evil and shit#Like is he a good person? No???? No fleshed out character in the Yakuza world is its organised crime ffs#But it doesnt fucking make him evil now does it#Why am i writing long posts about fictional characters when i should be studying for uni#Im so gonna fail at least one course this semester
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I NEED my brain to stop waking me up with nightmares but
got 7 hours of sleep this time around despite it. I'm actually proud enough of that to post abt it lmaooo
#text post#that and i finally got my shot done#i say finally bc i fuckin forgor what day i did it last week but i think it was weekend time?#it is now lol#im gonna get myself out of bed now and get some shit done#so i can hopefully crash again tonight and actually sleep during the hours meant for it a little#nightmares or not bc at this point they are just Happening lol#i know they don't mean anything really but it does feel like a signal of what my brain is percolating on and it's like#bro wtf do u want me to do with any of the random bs these nightmares have had the ppl in them will NEVER apologise to us#can we pls get over it and stop dreaming abt things to do with them aksndjfbf
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Dream’s dnf fanart likes
August 21st
two versions of itt!dnf holding hands
itt!George holding the match gun and itt!Dream holding his sap gun
itt!Dream with his nails and itt!George with his hammer weapon
George and Dream in Breaking Bad outfits
itt!dnf holding onto a dandelion, floating in the air (+gif)
itt!Dream standing behind itt!George, arm around his shoulders
George asleep against Dream's chest, blue butterflies around Dream's head
itt!dnf back-to-back, tied to chairs
Dream and George walking together, arms around each other, Dream holding a bag of groceries, George holding a drink
George and Dream saying their tweets about playing It Takes Two directly to each other
Dream and George reaching out to each other, their other hands connected by a red string
Dream making a heart with his fingers, George making the 👌 sign
Dream, wearing a party hat, with George beside him, various animals Dream has been in George's 'Minecraft but my friend is' series around them
Dream sitting, George standing next to him, looking at each other, from the Everest MV bts
Dream in an art gallery looking at a painting of c!George
biologist!George and merman!Dream looking at each other in surprise
George, in a white tshirt, and Dream, in the green minecraft end poem hoodie, holding hands and staring at each other
dogboy!Dream with his arm around catboy!George's shoulder
itt!George elbowing itt!Dream in the chest playfully
Dream and George wearing cat ear beanies themed after their It Takes Two characters
itt!Dream leaning into itt!George's personal space, both of them staring at each other and blushing
#dreamnotfound#dnf#dreamnotfound fanart#Dream__Fanart#twitter#attention: I will be using a new au prefix as of this post#because of the (understandable and appreciated) influx of It Takes Two art I will be using 'itt!' for them#in the same way I use 'c!' for dsmp and 'sc!' for Squid Craft etc#hopefully it's not confusing :)#I decided to do it cause he liked about 10 It Takes Two related fanarts#I did consider 'Dream and George as their It Takes Two characters' and just linking them all as 1|2|3|4 etc lmao#also apologies for the Breaking Bad related one#I've never seen the show I just saw someone say something about it being a reference lmao#for anyone interested: Dream liked 23 dnf fanarts#10 of those were It Takes Two related (+1 semi related)#also three fanarts had captions referencing lyrics from drEP songs speculated to be about George#so that's fun#long tags today I apologise#as always I do encourage you all to check out the rest of the art he liked
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